Yesterday was Christmas day. Yesterday half my heart boarded a plane and went to the other side of the world. Permanently.
My daughter is the most courageous and determined person I know. Becoming a mother opened her eyes to the risks in our world. Navigating the pandemic changed her perspective. She began talking about getting out of here, raising her sons in a gentler place where nobody gets killed just for appearing at school on a day when some ill-adjusted white guy decides he’s pissed off and easily gets his hands on a semi-automatic rifle. Sucks to be at school on that day. (And those days happen frequently in the USA.)
New Zealand began to call to her, and she dived into the research. Fast forward, and off they go to a new life. My baby girl (now in her 30’s, always my baby), her wonderful husband, and two incredible young boys. The youngest not even two, but already showing a big, smiley, funny personality. He loves tickles and the game “I’m gonna get you.” But how can I “get him” when he’s in a time zone almost a full day away? How will I bake cookies, play with playdoh, and explore Snapchat filters and Doug the Pug on Instagram with the four-year-old? We used to hang out and laugh until we cried. Now I’m just crying.
My heart is hurting. I’m happy for them, and you’d better believe I will visit and overstay my welcome, and maybe even some day have a tiny house in their back yard with a row of fleece jackets on a coat rack (I’ve been told it ain’t tropical there!)
But I know it will never be the same. We spent a few precious years in the same town, where I moved just before her oldest turned two. I quit my job, retired early, moved to a new place and worked on building a life. She warned me that they might move some day, but she had always lived in Washington, and I was pretty sure she always would. Maybe she would move back to Bellingham, or live closer to the Seattle area. But New Zealand? That thought never occurred to me. I knew they had loved visiting there on their honeymoon. She and her husband love the Lord of the Rings. But he also loves Star Wars, and I had no fear of them living on a giant space ship in a galaxy far away.
However, I’m proud of them. I have talked about being an expat for a long time. Perhaps someday I will still do that. But as my two daughters picked amazing husbands and started to build lives with them (and I continued to live a traveling life without a partner) I concluded that I cannot do the thing where I only see my kids once a year on some holiday. Nope. So I’ll bounce around the world as long as I am able, spending time with each daughter and exploring the areas where they live.
An Australian friend reminded me that from New Zealand, it’s much closer to Fiji, Bali, Australia, and some island chains I’ve yet to discover! Not to mention Antarctica (brr, but it’s the only continent I have not seen any of – yet!)
So, even though my heart is broken that I can’t hop in the car and drive 5 minutes for spontaneous hugs or emergency babysits, I know I’ll get to see them eventually. I have been fortunate. I continue to acknowledge my luck that I can even consider traveling so far (but then again, there’s no husband to tell me I can’t!) Meanwhile, we will have video calls and emails, and maybe even old-fashioned letter-writing. I’ll manage.
I can’t wait to explore a new place – New Zealand. Maybe the baby will pick up a cute Kiwi accent.
Pre-Existing Condition 
It’s always hard to let your kids go…but I’m glad she will at last feel safer and more secure in her life.