ODE TO THE MORTGAGE PROCESS (with apologies to Dr. Suess)

(author’s note:  this poem was originally written when I bought a house in 2010 as a response to the loan approval process.  I am finding that the sentiment still holds true today, as I go through this arduous process yet again………..)

Hi, I want to buy a house

Can I buy without a spouse?

I have money, here it is!

All this wonderful money, gee Whiz!

“I’m not sure that money’s yours?

Did you earn it doing chores?

If you did, we need to see

Taxes starting 2003….

You have money?  That is good!

But make sure it’s understood.

We need to know exactly where

It is from, and do not dare

To cross the i’s or dot the t’s

We will know, and we won’t be pleased!”

My money comes from near and far,

Receipts and statements? Here they are!

I found ten dollars on the ground….

“Money isn’t simply found!

We need at least 3 witnesses…

To prove the money can stay as is!

Please be exact, down to the penny

Wiggle room?  There ISN’t any!”

I have counted every cent,

I can’t even pay my rent!

Or buy groceries, or go to a movie

I am feeling less than groovy

“Oh, my gosh, please quit your bitchen,

Go line up at the soup kitchen

It will be over soon, come what may,

You’ll eat again after closing day”

You mean then, it just won’t matter

That I served up my finances on a platter?

“Just learn how to play the game,

Your life will go back to being the same,

The nice change that will cause you to forgive,

Is that you’ll have a new place to live!”

Oh, yes, I almost forgot the lure,

The reason for all the financial tor-ture!

It WILL be worth it in the end,

And maybe we can part as friends…

And if you come to my house-warming soiree

Talking money will NOT be okay!

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About catnipkiss

I am a writer who is working on a travel memoir. I write about issues that speak to my soul: love, sex, yoga, spirituality, body image, dating and friendship, and more as it comes up! I love comments - thanks! What would YOU like to explore?
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