I recently spoke to an ex (as in 25 years ago ex) boyfriend about my upcoming trip. He said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Looking for? Do I have to be looking for anything? Can’t I just let it all, you know… happen?
Finding what I’m looking for in a concrete connotation makes sense to me, as in: where the hell are my car keys? But “finding what I’m looking for” in the abstract just rubs me the wrong way. I blame this partially on the U2 song that a more recent ex quoted as his excuse for lack of commitment (“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”, to which I responded that he and Bono could both shove it!)
I am not searching for spiritual enlightenment. Don’t get me wrong, though; it would be nice if, during this adventure, I stumbled upon it the way you find a couple extra bucks in spare change buried in the couch cushions. What a pleasant surprise! But what if it doesn’t? And how would I even know the difference? If enlightenment is like a gentle breeze and I am anticipating a hurricane I might just miss it anyway.
There is power, I think, in the unknown. Can’t you simply cross the bridge because it is there? Do you need to know that you are seeking something on the other side? What if the bridge is obscured by clouds or fog, like the towers of majestic Golden Gate Bridge often are? Do you still venture across? I say yes. A resounding yes. When a person makes a promise, it is an exact statement. When a situation holds promise, you often don’t know what the promise is.
The more I risk, the more I have to gain. The more naked I am, the better I’ll feel the sensations of what wants to touch me.
It’s not easy, leaping into the unknown like this. But it reminds me of a favorite quote: “When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”
— Patrick Overton
Counting down, one week until lift-off! – Catnip