In my ideal future world, my life is full of two things: passion and peace. Are they mutually exclusive? Are passionate people peaceful? Are peaceful people passionate? How much wood DOES a woodchuck chuck? (and does he chuck it passionately?)
My summer fixation has been the new song by Eminem, featuring Rihanna, “Love the Way you Lie.” The video is what I thought it would be: a couple engaged in violent episodes, fighting, then passionate love-making (otherwise known as makeup sex.) Why do I love this song? Well, I love Rihanna’s voice and think it is ironic that she is singing about being battered in a relationship after all the exposure about her and Chris Brown. And Eminem always makes me giggle. I’m sure that would piss him off if he knew, and he would write a venomous rap about old ladies who diss his art…. I really don’t like rap all that much, but I have come to appreciate it as a form of musical poetry. But, back to why I like the song – I think it must be because it encapsulates passion in a relationship (albeit one that has taken a very wrong turn.) I don’t condone violence, I don’t like breaking up and making up, and I don’t even like rough sex. But obsession in a love affair? Maybe that’s where the passion lies – never losing that crazy unhealthy obsessive streak. “You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you’re with ‘em? You meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em?” Yup. That’s What I’m Talkin’ About!
Now, the other side of the coin: seeking peace. Can a person who is obsessively in love with another ever truly find peace? Buddhists talk about detachment. My beautiful friend Dorothy used to say: “Show up. Pay attention. Speak the truth. Don’t be attached to the outcome.” Three out of four ain’t bad, right? How can we obsessed humans ever NOT be attached to outcome? Get thee back to thy meditation cushion until thee figures THAT one out!
In my recent struggle with the end of a passionate (dare I say obsessive? At least on my part..) relationship, I walked into the local Dharma Hall. In their library, I flipped open a book and read the following: (paraphrased) – “All human suffering is caused by attachment.” See Dorothy’s advice above: DON’T BE ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME. So the pain and suffering I was still feeling, months after ending my relationship – why is this taking so long?!?!- was because I was still attached to those feelings. So I can still love TF1 – why not? – but he does not have to be a direct recipient of that love. It is love based not on the receiving, but on the giving. And I can give it freely and move on, swaying gently as I walk slowly through an endless daisy field in my long flowing orange skirt and send this love to him, like blowing a kiss to the wind. (Note to self: buy hippie skirt and find daisy field.)
Ten years ago, right before Christmas, my beloved Thoroughbred mare died. Just died. No reason. She was seven years old, that’s like twenty-something for a human. Way too young. I couldn’t cope with my grief; my doctor prescribed valium. (I miss that doctor!) I learned two things from that experience: that life doesn’t always make sense and that I need to find a way to deal with death. Thus, my journey to explore the principals of Buddhism. Also, as a side note, I discovered while looking through pictures of that time that I looked incredibly peaceful! (OK, I know damned well that was the valium. But still! When I think of achieving peace, I seek to achieve the aura of the woman in those pictures. She looks blissed-out, untouchable. FINE, she’s stoned! But I still aspire to that, minus the drugs.)
So, am I getting any closer in putting these two things together: the peace and the passion? Well, at the moment, I am seeking peace. Passion is not in the cards until I find someone to be passionate with. And, no, Zepher doesn’t count. (Zepher is my daughter’s exuberantly friendly pup, who I got to keep – oh joy! – after all! We do sleep together.) A spiritual quest is one that a person can – and probably should – undertake alone. Confucius says , “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I think he also said, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” (Boy, that Confucius is one smart guy. Do you suppose he’s single?)
I will put physical passion on the back burner and seek peace first. And an orange hippie skirt.
Peace, love, joy, and non-attachment to you all –
Link to the song/video and a brief review: http://music-mix.ew.com/2010/08/06/eminem-love-the-way-you-lie-video/
If you want another perspective, this is a great parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBZO4NflRUo
P.S. I have been informed that my mother is not the only one who reads my blog! So, a special note to TF1 –
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the rest of the sane world.
In other words, I’m still working all this stuff out. You had a powerful impact on my life, my heart, and my soul. I shall always feel a great love for you that is not affected by what comes next in my life or in yours. And, finally, I am sorry for the ways in which I hurt you, and I forgive you for the ways in which you hurt me.